Sometimes I feel really good when i socialize with people who isnt’ acquainted AT ALL to the SSG family. It makes it so much easier to surface the ‘real me’. Years pass in school and everyone matures from obstacles in life, yet nobody actually allows you to ‘improve’ because you are so-called “faking it“. All that just because you used to be someone superbly lets say, naive? It is not that i have some other ‘fake-me’ when im talking to the people from my school but somehow you just have to ‘control’.
Everybody keeps telling every one that we should not really bother about what other people talk about and just ‘be ourselves’. Sometimes its only natural that majority of the community wants to satisfy everyone. Then again, its obviously impossible. It isn’t like we force ourselves into being someone we are not, some people are just struggling hard to make everyone
happy satisfied. Get it?
I have just returned from Sayfol because they had this event which Amanda invited me to so that we could spend some “missing quality time” together. Indeed we spent quality times — she with her new schoolmates and I with her abandoned schoolmates which apparently somehow turned out to be really nice people. There were some friendly others from the outer circle and surprisingly, I did feel comfortable.
I began to wonder. Why didnt this feeling of satisfaction sink in me when Im with my schoolmates? Leave my classmates aside. Lets just proceed to hi-bye friends or something alike. Some people just.dont.get.it. I never got to understand why my seniors used to raise their eyebrows when i socialize more with the opposite gender. So, in school we have to be like sort of cautious. If we speak to a person of the opposite gender along a corrider which so happen everyone else seemed to just be out of sight, something must be going on. In the mind of
some majority of the people I know anyways.
I do not blame them because I cannot hide the fact that is is also only natural if an individual suspect going-ons when they see one-on-one’s. At least just dont go spreading into everyones mind that so and so were seen dating when all they did was just talk in an accidental quiet corridor. Again, that is only happening to those in the school I am studying in now. I dont know if im going to be in deep trouble for accusing things like that but then again, I am only speaking on my opinion based on the people around me (only).
But, I found myself leaving that silly worry wrinkle behind and just have fun - meeting new people. Although it didnt sum up to any extend but that few was enough to prove to me that there were other people who were very open to no-strings-attached dates, random conversation about family history, things like that. Back in school, these things are only impossible unless so-and-so has some chemistry working.
Its like, you dont worry about anything when you are socializing because they didnt need to compare you to the then-you and finally come up to a conclusion that you are wearing a friendly mask. Its also because nobody is there that you have to satisfy because you totally dont know what they dislike/like about you at all. Finally but most importantly, these people are the good ones that accept changes in you because they understand that every individual matures almost every day.
But no matter how much I loved about Amanda’s school because they had great people, they too, in return complained about their social life in school. I guess nothing is perfect. Maybe nobody accepts changes so quickly. Neither do I. Although Amanda and I didnt spend quality times together as planned, I am happy that I met some friendly people. People who made me realise that I shouldnt judge the community as it is in my school.