Todays World : Dating a Back-Up

Today’s blogpost is entirely based off an online video of an argument between a couple just today evening after dinner. And it got me thinking – what really is the reason and base of being in a relationship now? What does a relationship mean to people among us? I could be living a fairytale, but I believe in traditional relationships and that involves stages and a solid foundation to a relationship.

Over the past few years, I can’t help but notice that the norm of ‘dating’ right now is really like a test. Don’t get me wrong – I understand and fully acknowledge the fact that nobody knows who suits you best until both of you in the relationship has tried your best to work things out and manages to find it comfortable to accommodate to one another. What i’m saying is, why are there so many out there who gets on ‘relationships’  when they aren’t even sure who the person really is? Many then say “You never try, you’ll never know”. That, for them – permits the skipping of  the stage where you get to know each other and hang out more often than usual friends to see how things may work out. My problem with the whole norm now is that people jump on an ‘official relationship’ the moment they find each other attractive and then only chooses to think about compatibility after being together.

Call me old fashioned, but i don’t believe in relationships work like that. What happened to the innocence of love? Has that really never existed? For me, relationships start from being acquaintances > friends > closer friends > “grey area” > officially together! But it seems like everybody only sees the point in fast getting-to-know just by superficial standards and jumps from being acquaintances, and then probably a week of flirting, we see an update on Facebook or Instagram #mybae #loveforever #sweet in the next couple of days.

Do we not look deeper into character before doing that or is it really possible to go straight into a relationship by physical attraction? Honest question.

Im not saying it’s wrong or ridiculous, but I honestly don’t understand. How? Is it easier for people to jump from one another, just because we are so accustomed to the “replace if faulty” theory? There are so many fishes-in-the-sea theory? I think that’s a really bad quote for me anyway. Yes, plenty of fishes – but just one for you so why don’t you try to understand and evaluate before deciding on the right one? It’s not a marriage, true enough – but why not treat every single one as a potential to get there to start off with? If things don’t work out the way you wanted it to although you thought he was the one, yes – of course we would all have to move on. But why not start on the right track from the very beginning, ladies?

I know so many around me who don’t see eye to eye with me – but I find a need to stand for what I believe in, to share this message to whoever may be reading this. “Experienced lovers” will always say its good to try all kinds before settling for the one you know you like best. Just “so you can see the clearer picture“. I think the “clearer picture” can be just by getting to know each other! Nobody’s putting a gun to your head telling you what to do or to rush things. Be it months and years – if (s)he is not the one, you’ll know if you sincerely try to get to know the person over time. Sure, some people change (though some people often conveniently refers to it as “the revealing of true colours”) but take that off your head for a second and listen, observe and understand the person infront of you now. Is it really that difficult?

Don’t mistake for what I’m referring to as labels – because that’s a completely different story. So many of the people around us are together without a label. They are always just a person “i am seeing” or “going out with” but “no strings attached“, with an occasional proud smirk. Why are we so afraid to commit? If you are still REALLY in the getting-to-know stage, that’s perfectly line. But many use “no strings attach” just so they always have options despite having someone who is already so prominent in their life, as they are afraid they can always get someone “better”. Who else defines that “better” than yourself? There WILL always be someone better than the other if you look at things from a superficial level.

But why do you have to “look” for someone “better” and make the person infront of you a back-up plan in case things goes wrong. Look at the bigger picture. That bad guy is you. You are holding a good person back, because of your own selfishness of wanting something better, that hasn’t been presented to you yet. Just because you believe you can be worth “more”. Why pursue something that you can mentally put aside as a back up plan? The answer is already so simple : that person is not the one. And if you take that person just because other ‘choices’ don’t seem to appeal and you just want to be temporarily fulfilled as he’s the best for now. The bad guy – is still going to be you.

It’s always fun to have options – but I honestly don’t see the point in being in a relationship when your mentality is always going to be “Well, if this doesn’t work out there will always be another one“. I don’t want us ladies to be obsessed with anybody and to be possessive of whoever you may have, but give yourself a little bit of grace and treasure yourself a little more. Your value as a young woman, or just as a woman, your time and grace is never something that is worth less than others.

Think things through, don’t jump on men like you need them. You don’t need no man, just a stronger you. If you are able to value yourself as such, I feel like this will be able to make you see how much your future partner is able to be an extension of you – rather than someone that completes you, you are your own complete version and nobody can make you complete besides yourself. Prioritise your wellbeing first, and learn to love yourself before you love others

That’s all I have to say for now.

One comment

  1. Kazen Koh says:

    Strongly agreed your point about relationship that involves stages and a solid foundation to have better idea see each other’s overall view of value and how his/her outlook on life in perspective, so when came to the next step, he/she not only the soul mate, and have potentially be the your best friend, life partner at the same time, and you’ll love to share everything in your life with him/her comfortably . Above all just my point of view about relationship, I do not think it is old fashion, just that everyone have their individual perspective to think and experienced to comfortable with.

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