Hello there, whoever is actually checking back on this page for whatever reason.
It’s been a while since I had a late night thought post, especially on this platform that I used so much for thought venting. Had a good long talk with friends from primary days and just wanted to put it out here that it’s so precious to be able to have that outlet to talk about life in general, with no fear or anxiety of being judged by anybody around the table. You don’t have to go go through lengths of describing the context or the background of a story to defend or clarify yourself, it feels pretty good.
I’ve always come back to thenatstory at the end of a long day, up till maybe 6-7 years ago. It was a place where I could sit down and reflect on my day. This was somewhat the lullaby before I went to bed every night. Thenatstory was where I collected my thoughts for the day after. It calmed me down on days when I was unsettled, elevated my spirits whenever I was feeling hopeful, and writing did many many great things for me growing up. I stopped coming back to it eventually because I realised there were more people coming in and I was being held responsible for whatever I shared here. Whenever I said something that didn’t echo with somebody else’s idea and got a negative comment, I honestly didn’t know how to handle it and was always left wondering if I did or said the wrong thing. It was pretty much a piling pressure I put on myself that made me slowly drift away from blogging. It became a responsibility that I didn’t learn how to manage yet back then.
Today, I know whatever I say here will hold weight, but it doesn’t really matter to me anymore if there were different opinions. I’ve learnt to actually want to discuss these opinions, and am ready to correct mine or see different things from another perspective.
Anyway, it’s been a reflective evening tonight. I saw the power of being able to share an opinion, experience or a thought -online. I was cleaning up my room today, and came across my results from my high school days. They sucked. I flipped the folder abit more, and found my diploma and degree results and certs. Those didn’t suck.
Then it reminded me that under 5 years from when I was 15 to 20, my definition and opinion of ‘life’ changed so much just in within that small window of time. I posted that thought on Instastories with some photos, elaborating on certain ongoing issues like how there were more and more high school dropouts now and how i wished they would just pull through etc as the graduation cert is still considered one of the most basic requirement in many, many places today when it comes to work. The only thing about this high school certification, is that, it’s there – you just gotta harvest it. I’ll elaborate more on this another time, but what hit me was the response that I got from merely posting that series of InstaStories.
There were so many incoming stories of people sharing with me their struggles in school, failing exams, losing passion etc and it made me think – do all these people think they’re alone and how are they actually getting through it? Are they all giving up because its tough? I want to be that voice that could make them realise that other people are feeling this as well, and better – to share these similiar stories with them. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to talk to these people whoever they were, or at least help bring them through another thought process through my blog postings or vlogs. I’m not looking to give answers. All I’m hoping for is that through my own thought process and questions, they’ll find an answer for themselves.
I don’t need an audience of thousands – I just want to be able to speak to the right people, even if it meant 2 or 3 of them. If what I posted today, was enough to reboot the thought process of some of the people who were thinking of dropping out and wants to try again, I wanna continuously be that voice that speaks out on other things that I feel strongly – in hopes to speak to 2-3 more OTHER people on other things that they may have felt helpless in.
I’m not a guru in life, I just want to talk about life more openly – in hopes that people can relate their dilemmas to and spark a conversation with. I don’t wanna be a superhero, I just wanna be a friend.
The kind of friend that never judges you on the table like mine tonight.