thenatstory.com: September 2007

Sunday, September 30, 2007

In The Eyes Of The Bird

If I had only one thing to say about why girls are troublesome in my opinion, it would be that they stick together too much. be it the washroom, the cafeteria, the supermarket located only a few meters away. I don't know.

and the thing that's so negative about this habit, is that..they sometimes give too much affection to each other. therefore, when something bad happens - or otherwise, the impact isn't something anyone should oversee.

anyways, there is something i want to understand. but there is not reason that i should interfere because it has been such a long time since i have sort of distant myself from being too involved in the subject of girls. my friends know me well enough to see that when things happen, I never stand by them. which leads to why most of them might not want to tell me their problems because in conclusion, I'd say there's no way out - just because they're girls and girls want simple things that are too hard to be achieved.

or maybe because majority of the girls these days get so obsessed with the term "forever" that it can almost skin me in and out. some friends hate me for laughing at them, but sometimes, actually each time, they talk about "forever", I tend to walk away because if I do not, I'd say something that'd definitely hurt their ears and they'll think that people like me don't bother to understand them and that I have no rights to simply say so. well, they win - hands down.

i suppose?

I'm not saying that they shouldn't be dreaming of forever. I'm just saying that they shouldn't basically live and depend on "forever". It annoys me how girls say "I thought we were supposed to be a subject that lasts forever..sad smiley, sad smiley". Maybe this brings to why I think girls are such dreadful species, only in this aspect mind you.

I'm just trying to help and make people around me realize that forever, doesn't exist. it's not wrong to just believe in it, just please, do realize its not true. even rocks get destroyed by atoms. people can live solely based on fairy tales, but at least they know its not true. they can dream of their charming prince, at least they know its not true. dreaming, is different from depending.

girls are such headaches to me.

I'm a girl myself and maybe these little factors make me wonder about myself so much.

I used to be so much involved in girl groups. We do everything, trust me - from backstabbing to late night calls to becoming the batch's most infamous "Toilet Girls". I was once part of a group of girls and I was very influenced by the girl factors, going to every place together etc. Soon, I began to realize that all of us have secrets deep within us.

We see each other everyday, with smiles that reach our ears, but yet, we despise each other. We discuss all things bad about the ones absent and the circles goes on and on and on. Thinking about it, I guess that's what girls are all about. If not girls, the overgeneralized girls. Well, it suddenly came into a point where i was literally disgusted with how things worked in this side of the world. I don't know since when, but gradually I left them and didn't want to step into a another experience of "girl groups" one again.

I think I prefer it this way.

Where I don't belong to any group in particular.

Just from this, to that, to this. whenever I feel like it.

with no secrets hidden. speaking out my opinions so as to prevent misunderstandings in the future. sometimes of course it matters if it hurt the feelings of my friends, but once again - if they weren't friends whom I cared for, I don't suppose I'd even bother to tell you what I feel.

It just like how you'd tell the salesperson how nice their product is, when you own a better version. So as not to break their bubble.

..yeah.

something like that.

I'm just a spectator, seating from afar - watching the ball go from left, to right, to left. Will it ever stop?As a spectator, I think I am able to spot the mistakes of the players in the weaker ones. Should I tell them or shall I not? But once again, even if I do - I shall break their hearts once again, and they'll just tell me to shut up because they know the game better than I do.

So perhaps, I should just walk away.

Plainly because, I'm just a spectator.

p/s : this post has no intention of spoiling the impression of "girl groups". Maybe I over generalized. I don't know.

p/p/s : why do girls ask their boyfriend's to hold their handbags nowadays! So ugly okay! Ladies, where are your handssssssssssssss. *dies*

그래도..

for the first time in my life, I saw a dead cat.

Do they really have 9 lives?

I don't know.

Maybe it was too busy chasing the butterfly.

the butterfly, who is in need of wings.

more wings.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Moon River

with the little leftovers of history facts still grabbing onto my head from my first mock, I have only started feel like I can sit back and drink, sleep, or do every ridiculous thing any lazy bump would before she'd bother to dive into the fever for the next final one. Unfortunately, even before the seat's going to be half heated up, the bell rings, yet once again. Time for the final school-based examination I'll ever sit for.

My second last Malay Language paper.

My second last History paper.

My second last Modern Mathematics paper (I hope!)

..and many more second lasts, this time. It's upsetting to find that I can actually refer to them like that, now.

It seems like everything is descending to an end and just before I know it, we'll all be throwing our Basic Economic text books into the air - or the rubbish bin. That's exactly what I did to my History text book previously, during PMR. I came out from the hall and was so relieved that I took it from my bag, stuffed it into the green bin and never wanted to see it once again. I went home regretting because it caused quite alot and could have earned me two big good plates of nasi lemak.

It's funny how people don't see why we should compare prices to food because food.should.be.the.most.important.thing okay! It's even more important if compared to your bowel problems!! :O

I bet you didn't know!! (laugh laugh laugh. sigh natalie whyareyousofunnyandweirdalwayssyoksendiri!)

anyways, have been really busy watching movies and certain other subjects that need no attention off. realised I haven't been blogging and since I had my duckrice today I shall blog once more, as to celebrate. or something. yesterday was Mooncake Festival Day. wonder where did everyone go. I went to Emily's for steamboat and some tense baking session that had a whole lot more raisins and nuts stuffed in the little cupcakes instead of chocolate chips. boohoo. (but I sneakily sneaked in a whole lot more when nobody was looking tsktsk but I think Emily knows pfft and maybe she didn't want to break my bubble. sigh sigh)

when I was younger, say about, a decade back I used to invite two really good friends back to my grandmother's house during special celebrations like this. Thinking back, I don't know since when it stopped because they come by every celebration, every year, and lasted like that for quite a long period. Perhaps because their family don't really unite for celebrations like this or somewhat but today they're all having fun elsewhere on their own. Maybe I should just be grateful that I'm still in contact with both of them because they're both still in school.

There were alot of fond memories and I rememeber we used to play Space in the junior room. I'd be the co-pilot, he always wanted to be the main one but she would never give him a chance. so he'd frequently whisper behind my ears and tell me how much he wants to be me because I least I assist haha. At my grandmother's we used to light all kinds of lanterns up (yes only the ones with candles, no annoying chinaman midi tune kind of lanterns) and with about 5 other adults in company, we'd be walking along the dimly streetlight lit roads with our lanterns. Neighbours would sometimes peep and share our simple happiness. Well, happy stuff aside, we never fail to burn those lanterns along the way. One of us were slightly burnt because we were really young and didn't know how to let go of the lantern even when it's burning ferociously pfft but it definitely wasn't me okay.

Then there'd be the praying session (with incense sticks, fruits, food, and all) and we'd all be kneeling on our knees and people would just stare at the adorableness of three kids praying for more toys and sweets when it should be about "better scores in exams. a good child. never to make our parents angry sort of thing".

Well, frankly, I hardly remember any of that praying part anymore. It's my mom who told me. So, yeah.

Weeks ago, my grandmother suggested that she hasn't seen them for a long time and that she couldn't really recall how they looked like anymore so she asked if these two friends of mine would want to join us for our celebration this year. Initially I was quite happy with the "reunion" even though we see each other in school everyday. Well, not exactly..one of us has a 3 month long solid record of absence pfft.

I couldn't find a picture of only three of us (there was one we took in Korea but I have no idea where it is) so here's Sam,in the middle of three of us, in pink (who was one of my first few classmates during Nursery @ SSG 1994 :D :D)

We didn't meet up anyways. Perhaps I felt that it wouldn't feel right anymore. Perhaps we have all grown up and a piece the genuine childhood naivety has gone.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Oh Which Flower Shall I Land On?

The Miracle Worker

Finally bought the movie home. After a long, long, weekly search. It was the last one off the shelves, which adds to my content. The brother's watching it now next to me but I'm leaving it for tonight. and I'm happy!

Next..

Kris' Early Sweet Sixteeth Celebration @ Spices

her brother's 21st as well.

16 and hot Kristyn

Chilling by the pool

mwah, sab, kris, azian and emily

orangemz & lavishlysweet (.blogspot.com)

Moon arrived a whole lot later because she was celebrating her grandmother's 70th birthday

Not so bright with the brightest of them all

company for the night - Azian <3

us

really bad camera quality but don't think I'm going to change it for another anytime soon.

Friday, September 21, 2007

A Secret Garden

The butterfly flies into a jungle only to find itself landing up in a green, fresh scented garden. A secret garden, which doors lead to so many unrevealed secrets. But its not going to tell anybody about it. Not even it's friends because there's so many flowers here, it just wants to have it all by itself.

Oh no. The queen of the jungle finds it there.

time stops for a second, or maybe two.

But the butterfly just pretends to fly by, just like any lost butterfly would.

...and the world functions like normal, once again.

of course, the butterfly visits the garden everyday. and is happy because it's not going to share it with anybody.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Peaceful Night Of Awfully Sweet Black Little Beryls

Amanda and I thought we were really under dressed!

Kristyn, Moon, Sab and Emz

My classmates

Passion for life. Live for Passion.

two.cakes.for.her.birthday.
as always.

she's now legal and has to leave behind her naivety for another world where she has to take responsibilites for herself. Somewhere inside, I'm proud of her. But there's this fear. A fear telling me that she's not ready for this. Whatever it is, Happy 18th Birthday Moon!

a step towards that forest,
the forest of reality,
i hope you venture fearless,
seeking for remarkable maturity

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Grudges In Within

i don't like it when people turn their backs to each other when it comes to quarreling for the television.

Friday, September 14, 2007

School Of Wrong Ideas

one of the many reasons why high schoolers end up in depression from the stress caused by the world after 17, because they haven't seen what the world is out there beyond the pale orange painted school gates. it's the same circle every single week. crispy dried old leaves, drivers snooping off in their cars, mothers carrying her child's schoolbag, same old field, cluckings from the uneven drain shield, red socks. some might be lucky enough to be able to go beyond these surreal things, but alot of them don't. and its such a shame.

it has already been a public idea that our school's nowhere near real business. all we know is to go to school, laugh or chuckle once or twice, a nap maybe, or just plain question asking sessions with certain students answering to questions effortlessly. a minor group of school graduates chose to not leave any affection behind because the school taught and promised them nothing, but empty hopes.

but is that really how we want to projected as? this kind of naive image? is that what we all are? or is it something that's being over generalized?

most probably many of us have started wondering. we never know.

i think i found the answer. i can't be possibly too sure, but i think I found the answer.

teachers in our school give such impression that high school is everything that builds our lives and that student's shouldn't be anywhere besides being at home and in school because all they have to do is study. I shan't deny that high school could being good memories, as it should. A subject teacher bluntly commented that we wouldn't be anywhere else in the future and there'd be 0% of succeeding if we somehow by chance failed in secondary studies.

How is that possible?

Is that really how things are? I have seniors who failed terribly in secondary but look, one of them is now a top student in his major and a few others are already starting their engines, bucking up. Is this how teachers should project reality to students? I know little about the real thing out there, beyond the gates, but what I do know its nothing as simple as remembering the 9 challenges to Wawasan 2020 or remembering the names of each and every legendary.

It's now no wonder that students who have been experiencing a life of their own outside school doesn't even bother to attend classes. This isn't the real thing that'd help them survive out there. Why, the SPM certificate MIGHT take you somewhere but not anywhere. Then again, I know too little about reality but it is what I want to know, what I want to understand. Of course, I think all the other students in the school think the same. I hate the fact that the school gives no space of the cruelty of life creep into the minds of their students. I hate the fact that the school leaves the students such a good impression of people, in general. Humanity isn't as simply as eating bread.

It might not be a fatal war out there.

But its something every students has to go through, and it could be like one, if all they were taught in school was about being nice and to believe in everybody so that'd you'd get the same treatment. Is that really how it is?

If there was one thing I'd complain about the school - it'd be that it doesn't expose students to the real society. Where bad things, do happen. And that they never believe that students can achieve, career wise, even if they flunked their paper exams. This might be our basics, but its only to the basics of problem solving. not the basics of living as a competitor in the city. nor the world.

Then again, I know to little to judge. But I do know the this is not what I need to learn. Definitely not the Theorem.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Brief Update

Found this insect in my room after a late evening shower. Initially I was left wondering if it was one of my brother's gummy artificial toy because it had a shiny gummy-like appearance. I didn't want to be too sure so I poked it with the doorstop. You know how normally insects would flatten out with their insides out once being pressured on? This one actually slimed down (like it should upon being pressed lightly on) and returned to its normal state few seconds after. So I shoved it out my room with the mentioned door stopper and put it on display pfft. Just joking.

Any of you happen to know what is it?

Sleeping during assembly and stayed that way even when the assembly dismissed and the hall was cleared out. CHECK.

The girlfriends I see every weekday.

We actually ran down four flights up stairs and up again just to take this shot from the window of our class. Girls just want to have fun.

the 101 place where you'd see us sulking. no where else.
Stephanie, Yin Ze, Nat, Siew Wan, Joe Yee, Kiki Pui Mun, Kah Yee, Eve

the hidden body behind events in school - Student Council 2007

누님 반갑다!

for some reason, I found him freaky. but it was a sight.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

It

everybody was watching from their balconies.

the dad summoned us earlier before anybody found out and asked if it was what he thought it is. we stared at it from afar and thought maybe our vision blurred up or something. then, nobody found out yet. perhaps it was the thud, perhaps it was the curiosity that led us out there, being the first few ones to witness the scene.

slowly, one by one, the people gathered around it. although so, all of them stood at least 3 feet away. a step forward, three steps back. what was it that caught their attention. was it really what we thought it was? Nick brought me a pair of binoculars. I saw nothing, but it.

death haunts.

people talk about it everyday. but it's totally nothing if compared to the real thing. seeing it with your own eyes. the body. the emergency units. the silent ambulance. the scene. what's worst is you'll be looking at that same spot every time you walk out the balcony.

her twisted legs.

her white outfit.

her body.

her baby in the womb.

please do not attempt suicide. it haunts everybody.

Monday, September 03, 2007

An Armful Of Lies

Why do people lie to themselves?

why do people lie to themselves and never want to believe in anything bad that's happening around them?

Why do people believe that whatever they're doing, its for the benefit of the society and not just for themselves when it really is so?

People say that by regretting, we learn. I wouldn't say I never regretted to anything in particular but there is something I know. I know I have never slapped myself in the head and said "I shouldn't have done that". It's the things that happened that brings everyone to where we are today, and regretting is certainly not part of it. Things may turn out bad. Still, they don't reserve to be an action worth of regrets. That's just what I think.

I don't use the best ways for communication and I do not make the best decisions all the time.

but what's most important is, i meant nothing but good. But I'll never know if its genuinely that way.

perhaps good never existed. maybe it did. but never will anymore?

life is good.

A Change, maybe?

as engrossed as you can be in a movie at a cinema, it brings you to no further anticipation when you know the movie has come to and end with no turning back.

and all thanks to the best spoiler :: the person opening up the doors 5 minutes before the movie ends.

pfft.