Good evening.
One of the previews from the shoot we did for Vanity Dream’s upcoming update a few days back. I like this because this was the best looking photo of me out of the whole batch because we did the shoot almost only a little after I woke up from the throne pfft.
Truthfully speaking was a little worried for the session also because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to pull of many things (but luckily there weren’t many for this batch and we had Rachel). I’m almost never the type to talk bout ‘weight’, ‘gaining fat’, ‘going in diet’s’. It’s not that I think I was skinny to not bother, but I always think I eat moderately.
I don’t take in a big portion of unhealthy food (ring : sugar) not because they are carbs or they make people go fat but I just naturally don’t like how sweet things taste. I love heavy carbs like sausages, patties, nasi lemak – all the heavy duty stuff. I don’t look out for what I eat, but I think not being a fan of anything sugar has actually helped me A LOT. I can’t imagine what would happen to my health if I actually ate all the heavy duties AS WELL as the sweet stuff that’s available all around.
However, my fluctuating appetite has really made its stand this time round and I feel like it’s starting to give me body signals. I was sick for about 3 weeks about 1-2 months back. The first week was horribe, second week it was still lingering, but it took almost three full weeks to get rid of everything and for me to sleep and breath from my nose like normal again. It was just usual cold, but I suspect it was some body virus although my doctor hadn’t suggested any of those. Well, I only went to him once because I still don’t really trust Western med (and also because it made everybody around me more relieved). Don’t know why and since when I started getting really suspicious of the real capability of West Med that I keep calling for Chinese herbs every time I fall sick.
My point is that, that 3 weeks of trauma actually had me cutting down on alot of things that I usually (over)eat. Meat, noodles, rice – I didn’t feel like eathing them at all. I only ate to keep myself energetic, it wasn’t about appetite anymore. My body was more thirsty for water than food (which is extremely, extremely, unusual because I usually don’t drink more than a small cup of water everyday!). I think the whole process reinstated my inner health and I was cleansed inside out. I found myself a lot skinner that I have usually always been. I think at one point I kind of got scared at my own body because I never felt that light before. Don’t know how much I weighed, I just trained myself out of being curious about my weight – it was always jumping from 49kg – 50kg (see what I mean by me being not the usual skinny girl type who are usually 40-45kg) constantly for years anyways so I didn’t see the point.
So I started eating more and more when I felt healthy. Rejoicing into the food I had lost appetite and interest for for almost a month, and wondered where’d the hunger for these things hid themselves in during the short period. Gradually I started eating more and more, and back to my normal eating habits of 3 meals, and continued growing to a desperate need for at least 4 heavy meals and lots of snacking in between. Most surprising and shocking thing of the whole ‘recovery’ was that I was eating all sorts of sweet delicacies. Cakes, chocolates, soda, sweet fruits (I almost never, ever, pick sweet fruits!) and was actually enjoying them. I found myself buying chocolate cookies from the Mark&Spencer shelves, even when it wasn’t the ‘craving phase’. I have a chocolate craving phase that lasts about 2 days every single month that I would prefer to label as the “Ladies Need’ phase. It was so shocking, but I never realized until about another 2 weeks later I actually started feeling very heavy and congested. I sat down and started think back on my sudden gluttony and realized the things that I have been eating. Meat day in day out whenever possible, plates of rice at one sitting.
Actually the reason why I’m writing this all today in contrary to my usual “nothing much happened today. I missed the train by 30 second” posts is because I’m suddenly feeling a little threatened by my habits. The (extreme) habits are slowly fading off but what got my attention was how bloated my stomach was today. I walked so uncomfortably because the stomach was building from so much this and that. I tried to take a photo but I couldn’t figure out how it wouldn’t come out weird so I chose not to. I was playing with my iPad today only to realise my stomach had bloated to an extend where it was resting on the tablet, covering the Home button as well as the whole white border below! Worst part was that what made me realise my superpower bloatedness was my stomach was so far into the screen (above the border) that it was clicking on stuff below the screen by itself!!
I usually rest the tablet on my lap so if you don’t know what I’m trying to say, imagine your own stomach going further and bigger. If you can imagine the roundness. I have never had a flat tummy unless I laid flat, and it’s actually really normal for a person’s stomach to bloat after meals and I thought mine was after-meal bloats but it never went down because I just did it again (just!) and…
Actually my main concern is that I don’t drink enough water to wash everything unnecessary away. I drink a bottle everyday now (but the bottle from today still has a quarter left) but everybody know’s its not enough. For the habit that I’ve been carrying for a few weeks now, I don’t see how I’m going to feel healthier without drinking more water and eating less.
Here’s a candid photo from another Vanity Dreams shoot that was shot right at the end of the Sick Phase and I was fresh and “cleansed” from all the healthy diet I was taking in. Not diet as in gamfei diet but food eating patterns, okay?
Haiyah, you know what I’m thinking about now? It’s the fact that I can’t seem to explain this without conveying my real concernsfor my own health! It’s just that this never happened to me before so I’m just being a Paranoid Parrot. Not about me getting fat (that’s a concern, but I’m not at that stage to think I’m fat because that means something else) but it’s about how I feel like I’m bloating unhealthily from waist below. Rapid cellulites are forming at the back of my thighs so I am just concerned if this is a sign of too much sudden food intake that kind of changes the hormones? You know how I even found out they were growing? Because my back thights started to hurt from a force trying to push through and when I touched it it felt like light pinches! I didn’t even know cellulite can be painful until I Googled it and found out! Turns out it’s because
“Cellulite develops when fat and fluids accumulate in subcutaneous tissue, the fatty tissue just below the skin. This tissue is connected to the skin through fibrous bands called septae. Cellulite forms when these bands become rigid and pull down against the connecting fat cells, creating an uneven appearance on the skin. As Shonagh explains, nerve endings can also become compressed and tender in this process which accounts for the pain many women experience with cellulite.”
Okay nobody read through that. Basically it just simply tells you ‘you have fats’ and proceeds to tell you how the fatty tissues and body cells work together in an inharmonious manner that causes the pain.
This is one of the most personal posts I think I have ever made that talked about my body. I don’t think I ever dedicated a post just for it but it’s just coming from a suddenly concerned 21 year old. There is actually another main factor as to why I suddenly started worrying about my eating habits today but my story is getting too long and pointless and I don’t know how to phrase my words.
Okay thank you goodnight bye bye.
Shall report when I’m done with this Glutton Unhealthy phase and is back to normal Natalie again.
#abruptending
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